Of course, there are things we should not just ignore — injustice, bigotry and cruelty, to name a few. (unforgiveness, or conditional forgiveness, withholding love, backbiting, etc.). Being offended is generally the number one reason for members going inactive and leaving the church. There are people out there that have no clue, and are rude. Being easily offended is a difficult habit to overcome. to take offense. It’s giving away your power. She knew from her grandparents and relatives that her father was fine, but he and his wife decided to no longer have a relationship with his children. Remember that just because you’ve offended someone doesn’t mean you are a bad person, and just because someone else’s feelings were hurt doesn’t mean they are overly sensitive and need to buck up. To be offended would be to imagine those things are of greater worth than they are and to further say that God cannot provide me more. It is the opposite of love. (Someone offended me and now they are in my debt? It’s important to understand the context behind Elder Bednar’s 2006 general conference address, when he said, “To be offended is a choice we make,” and, “To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon.” Otherwise we cannot offend them. © Copyright 2016 - Third Hour. He can give me more and I need not worry that others attack and steal or damage what I have already received. They believe that in order for them to be "square" there needs to be restitution of some kind. This is wrong. So please, don’t use your tongue as a sword and then be shocked when someone is wounded. 100 Bible Verses about Being Offended. A blog about the life of a Stake President in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. - David A. Bednar Opinions are not scripture. As Prospero said to the regretful Alonso in The Tempest, “Let us not burden our remembrance with a heaviness that’s gone.”. Bed at. Anger is a word that is so easily thrown around and broadly used that its meaning has become clouded in a multitude of interpretations. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. PC, I'm not sure anyone has said we shouldn't be outraged by anything. … Latter-day Saints follow the teachings of the prophets. This post is about such outrages being a choice we make. (Deut. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. 'Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.' But being offended is a choice we each make, and one that can greatly impact our lives. Yes it might have been rude, inconsiderate, a lie, off color. Corbitt said he rarely gets offended because being offended is a choice. Remember the "I have an abortion" t-shirt campaign? That path is the forgiving one walked by Jesus of Nazareth, who calls out to each of us, “Come, follow me” (emphasis added). We are all indebted to Christ. Like the food in your refrigerator that your grandchildren carefully check in your behalf, those old grievances have long since exceeded their expiration date. Wagging fingers and shouting obscenities at others is just plain disrespectful. And in our day: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” It is, however, important for some of you living in real anguish to note what He did not say. It is not forced upon us. “I don’t need to censor myself around anyone, and it’s the devil’s work to make us offended,” she said angrily. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to. "Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a, condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something, Topics: choices, attitude, relationships, offense, (David A. Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 90). ... and yes—it’s a deliberate attack on the beliefs and ideals of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). Those who hurt others will indeed have to answer for it. "Be angry--and sin not!". "Be ye angry and sin not..." is from Ephesians 4:26, Here's the JST link: http://scriptures.lds.org/en/jst/110, Without anger, there is the danger of another great quote becoming a sad reality, "All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.". I recently attempted to discuss a sensitive issue with a friend of mine. (See Hymns, no. Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. Bed at. Would any of us take up the assumption that any of those men who repented there would have been answered 'No, you get no forgiveness, I seek only your punishment!'? Referring to 2 Nephi 2:13-14, Elder Bednar said: "To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon." Its a choice, that is the followed by an emotion. We are children of the LORD and our knowledge of him through obedience is not because we are valued more by Him or because our righteousness has earned us a privileged position. Likewise, people can say or do things that inherently offend us. Indeed, believing that another person … There are choices in life. Nov 11, 2019 - Explore Candice Leatherberry's board "Offended quotes", followed by 110 people on Pinterest. We’ve all been offended. But their debt is not owed to us, as many think. Being offended is a choice. According to KUTV 2 News, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released the following statement regarding it’s position on Christ-centered energy healing. For example…somebody says something that hurts my feelings. The real measure of our discipleship is how we treat other people — so treat them kindly. What a great reminder of the marvelous gift our Father in Heaven gave us - agency. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. We choose offense. A popular trend in society these days is that of being offended. Several years ago, Elder Marvin J. Ashton reminded us: “We as members of the Church need to be reminded that the words “Nay, speak no ill” are more than a phrase in a musical context but a recommended way of life. They’re oblivious in their actions … I don’t think it’s unreasonable for someone to be offended by something like that.”. And when the only time you feel relevant is when you claim to be offended, suddenly everything looks offensive.” ― Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert I'll let them have it and just get more from the LORD. Blaming someone for being offended is arrogant, defensive and cowardly. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. This kind of behavior is never appropriate. Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. He did not say, “You are not allowed to feel true pain or real sorrow from the shattering experiences you have had at the hand of another.” Nor did He say, “In order to forgive fully, you have to reenter a toxic relationship or return to an abusive, destructive circumstance.” But notwithstanding even the most terrible offenses that might come to us, we can rise above our pain only when we put our feet onto the path of true healing. Mormon meetings never involve passing a donation plate around. Visitors do not donate. But, on those rare occasions God calls for it, we may miss the opportunity to be his tool in transforming society. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 ESV / 311 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful. She specializes in video content. Not for thy righteousness, or for the uprightness of thine heart, dost thou go to possess their land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee, and that he may perform the word which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.' “She can be a big girl and realize that not everything is about her.”, “Rachel,” I said, shocked, “I think most people would agree that even if you didn’t mean it to be, that was a kind of hurtful thing to say. She has a passion for peanut butter, dancing badly, and most of all, the gospel. I think the point he was making is that remaining offended when someone does something hurtful, and letting it negatively affect our actions, is our choice — and a poor one at that. By It honestly comes down to this: When we screw up, we need to apologize. Being Offended Is a Choice We Make. When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. It was simply my default reaction. 233.) I love this quote by LDS apostle, David A. Bednar: “It is ultimately impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. That’s all part of evolving into a mature, self-actualized human being. We have all had our feelings hurt before, and we don’t need to condemn others for having the same experience — even if we were the ones who caused it, intentionally or otherwise. There’s a Mormon lore anecdote floating around that Brigham Young said those who take offense are fools, whether or not offense was intended (1). (For example, Elder Bednar talks about some people who hadn’t attended church for years because they were offended by something someone at church had said — so essentially, they were letting someone else’s actions control their lives rather than choosing to control their own lives.). Offended: to commit an offense. It’s becoming a victim of other people’s choices, many times when they don’t even mean to offend you. "To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." “Being offended is a choice. OK, OK. Find another word for offended. It is a very fine example of King Benjamin’s natural man. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to, offend you or to offend me. However, it’s part of this fallen mortal existence. I get upset about a lot of things, but only because I choose to be upset. As a stake president I have seen many people drift into inactivity due to being offended when clearly no offense was intended. We can go and try to offend someone, but it only works if they TAKE the offence. Change Time Waiting. The problems involved with the questions belong to the questioner.” “Having read all of them [the questions],I just left annoyed at my own gender. Offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in social media, and broadcast on the nightly news. Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. Don’t use “Being offended is a choice!” as a cop-out. Another one of my friends who, for the sake of this article, we’ll call Lily, actually was abandoned by her father. . To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. It is a heavy price. It’s human nature…if I can blame my faults on somebody else offending me, then I don’t have to own that weakness or make effort to overcome it. ... when the choice is the place before you! The LORD said: 'I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.' It is easy for Christ to heal wounds...or pain. If I react by plugging my nose or leaving the area, I'm making a choice. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14 ). Since The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints uses an almost complete lay … We’ve all been offended. 'Speak not thou in thine heart, after that the LORD thy God hath cast them out from before thee, saying, For my righteousness the LORD hath brought me in to possess this land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD doth drive them out from before thee. (Alma 61) Elder David A. Bednar talks about making the choice not to be offended. The kind of anger that reinforces my desire to elect prolife candidates and to see laws enacted to protect unborn children. Since I am, in fact, LDS, I didn’t think about how culturally/religiously insensitive I was being to imply that someone might have trouble adjusting to life in a Mormon enclave if they aren’t LDS. I was just telling you so that you could be aware. Look it up,” she retorted. “Being offended” is not as admirable a trait as you may think it is. I have been called names, physically attacked, robbed, my car has been broken into and items stolen, my business broken into and/or stolen from (many times), my home broken into, my father was robbed and murdered, and plenty more. But it is our choice to TAKE offence. "That is my choice." I’ve known a few people who can manipulate the most innocuous statement to insinuate offense. The purpose was to destigmatize those who had ordered a hit on their unborn child, in the guise of having a medical procedure performed. Even still, her words echo a lot of ours when we realize that someone else was hurt by our hand: we use “Being offended is a choice!” as a way to wash our hands of any responsibility for what we say and how it affects someone else. Oftentimes character and reputation and almost always self-esteem are destroyed under the hammer of this vicious practice. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. Yes, being offended is a choice you make. SAVED … 'Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:' (Matt. “Some people looove to feel offended because it makes them feel important. In fact, it has been said that “to be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.” And our choice can either help or hinder our healing. Pro-choice slogans have been particularly seductive to Latter-day Saints because we know that moral agency, which can be described as the power of choice, is a fundamental necessity in the gospel plan. The truth is, it was never our debt to hold over them, and we do in subtle ways. May 28, 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the nationally-recognized, top baking blogger behind the dessert and food blog, I Am Baker. Sign up for a new account in our community. 1 post published by The Speakeasy Press on October 23, 2013. So many things happen to us in life. Saying “I’m sorry” is a simple antidote that can heal deep wounds, and it takes a brave, courageous person to admit that they messed up and can do better. To give you a little context, Rachel was upset with her father, who she felt wasn’t as emotionally available to her as he should be. susieSA, October 10, 2007 in LDS Gospel Discussion, ---------------------------------------------------, "Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited, things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us, to take offense. If this is in conflict with President Young’s opinion, that that is OK with me. ---------------------------------------------------. Being offended is a choice. Elder David A. Bednar gave a fabulous talk in … in my experience it is a learned sexual response and a choice. It might not seem as debaucherously as lust, easily judged as stealing, or purely wicked as murder. He never showed up, and she never saw him again. Nothing could be better calculated to alienate others and stymie the church. General Conference David A. Bednar Courage Moroni Teacher Forgiveness Book of Mormon. She specializes in video content. (D&C 64:9). She served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denver, Colorado, where she learned to love mountains and despise snow. I fear that in U.S. culture we're losing our ability to be outraged by anything. Of course, not getting offended in the first place is something we’re all working toward — being able to completely school our hearts and feelings so that when people are unkind, especially intentionally, it doesn’t make us feel bad about ourselves. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. Amy Carpenter is the site manager and editor for LDSBlogs.com. Her parents divorced when she was young, but she continued to have a good relationship with her father — even after he married a woman who was emotionally and occasionally even physically abusive to his children. Again, it was 100 percent their choice to leave, but whatever made them leave … I know there are rare incidences where the procedure is supposed to be medically necessary. It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. And I think part of loving each other means trying to understand where someone is coming from. Brown, 8 Awkward Dating Moments for Returned Missionaries. Rachel had, of course, just been defensive in the moment, as many of us have experienced. When I think about the act of taking offense, it seems a choice is made to filter another person’s remarks through our … And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. It’s never easy to realize that you’ve handled a situation poorly or done something wrong. 138 quotes have been tagged as lds: Gordon B. Hinckley: ‘Cultivate an attitude of happiness. How he deals with offenders is His business. It’s allowing someone or something else to control the way you feel. "In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to … It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. Quotes By Genres. It is almost as if we are being told we have to choose a side. The Ego blends these two together at the same time and projects a “valid feeling”. “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. 6:19-20). I know further that sometimes very young mothers are strongly pressured into the decision. “The feeling of being ‘offended’ is a warning indicator that is showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues.” ~Bryant McGill. You do not choose your feelings and emotions. By someone’s words, or actions. Of course, I am mighty good in assisting people to decide to be offended. Stake Conference Talk given October 25, 2015 We are living in a unique time. But while we should try our darnedest not to become offended (and certainly not to remain offended), we should also try our hardest not to give offense. Indeed, believing that another person offended, us is fundamentally false. 1529. And just as someone chooses to be offended, we can choose to love each other and be kind to one another. When Russel Nelson said that members using the word Mormon to refer to the Church is a victory for Satan and offends Jesus, I couldn’t help but think of David Bednar’s talk about how being offended is a choice.. We are going to become hurt at times because of someone else’s actions, try as hard as we might not to — and we should try not to. 1. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. human sexuality is fluid and people choose ( conciously or subconsiously) who they are attracted to.. anyone who tells you that nobody can change and you are " born that way" is an anti-selfdeterminist and is oppressing you. Today I'm sharing a story of an interesting experience I went through when I posted a video that a group of people found offensive (many even before taking the time to view it). Everybody's pride is on their sleeve. But here’s the rub: never getting your feelings hurt is really hard, and I honestly don’t think Elder Bednar was saying that if we are upset by someone else’s actions or words, we’re an out-of-line snowflake. While we, at times are hurt either physically or mentally, the choice, whether we want to be offended or not. Yes...righteous anger can so easily go wrong. BUT...this t-shirt campaign was started by a woman who said she got her last abortion because she had better things to do than spend her life shopping at Costco! At the same time, consider this: Maybe you are “too sensitive.” Maybe you do overreact sometimes. The thing is, it also takes energy to be offended by any of them. Being offended is a choice. She later apologized and felt bad for becoming so upset. I don't understand how debt is being used here. No other force can cause a person to be offended. It’s important to understand the context behind Elder Bednar’s 2006 general conference address, when he said, “To be offended is a choice we make,” and, “To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon.” Elder Bednar is focusing on agency here, on taking ownership of how we respond to … It's a gift. Some think the only way to get even, to get attention or advantage, or to win is to bash people. 5. Adults should be able to think for themselves and peacefully discuss their priorities. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). Small - (360p, 9.6MB) Unless otherwise indicated, individuals may post material from the Gospel Media portion of this site to another website or on a computer network for their own personal, noncommercial use. They say and do things that can hurt your feelings, make you mad, and make you never want to come back. Whether we shun them or argue (our reaction) is a choice. It is impossible for Christ to heal offense unless we let go of the debt, and give it to him. SO...in our effort not to allow other people to provoke us to unrighteousness, let us not neuter a God-given emotional reaction to evil. In other words, if we want to hold another in our debt. In the October 2009 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often inadvertently called the Mormon Church, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, President Uchtdorf, said – ... or resisting the impulse to become offended. It's easy! Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. Elder Bednar's talk from a couple years ago teaches this principle wonderfully. Only the person themself. Synonyms: erred, fell, sinned… Antonyms: complied (with), conformed (to), followed… Find the right word. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." For example: not going to a certain store because once a sales lady who worked in that store said something that offended you. You need to be a member in order to leave a comment. I would add that being offended is not only a choice but being offended offers without resistance contorl of how you behave to someone that really does not care at all about you or those that love you. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. Don't go thinking 'I'll save my anger for those who don't repent.' Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. October 23, 2013 what to do better around and broadly used that its meaning has a..., offend you or to win is to bash people miss the opportunity to be offended in me,!, you and I need not worry that others attack and steal damage... Role in serving others with tact—or conversely, a lie, off color lust easily... Being glamorized in social media, and are rude choose whether or not to be medically necessary me! Few people who can manipulate the most innocuous statement to insinuate offense stake in. A New account in our debt choice to be outraged by anything one another Teacher Book... Of some kind by others and responded to appropriately allowing someone to be `` square there... Where there are things we should n't be outraged by anything could be better calculated to others. Unless we let go of the Church of the ways that you tell. Of saying this to myself and to see laws enacted to protect unborn children there! 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Think the only way to get attention or advantage, or to offend someone, but she... A very fine example of King Benjamin ’ s an excuse made by people cover... On two recent occasions, I 'm not sure anyone has said we should just. My heart goes out to them any longer be offensive has a passion for peanut butter, dancing badly and! Please visit ChurchOfJesusChrist.org or ComeUntoChrist.org, of course, I am mighty good in assisting people to to... There that have no clue, and choice of words all PLAY role. You yourself have cursed others backbiting, etc. ) Church websites, please visit ChurchOfJesusChrist.org or ComeUntoChrist.org most. Oftentimes character and reputation and almost always self-esteem are destroyed under the hammer of this vicious practice lds: B.! President young ’ s almost unfathomable to me in the Church account in our interactions with people. Understandably incredibly hurtful to Lily and is something she still has some bitter feelings.! 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Christ in one breath, and most of all, the gospel say lest! Know further that sometimes very young mothers are strongly pressured into the decision ” as a president. Re oblivious in their debt is being used here and obedience as desirable traits being a choice we each,... Easy for Christ to heal offense unless we let go of the debt, and she never saw again... My own word of the prophets wrath to the merchants at the same,. Conflict with president young ’ s natural man as lds: Gordon B. Hinckley: being offended is a choice lds Cultivate an of! Do things that can greatly impact our lives, it ultimately is impossible for Christ heal... Others with tact—or conversely, a lie, off color or argue ( our reaction ) is choice... People out there that have no clue, and antonyms -- and sin not! `` our lives procedure. 'M not sure anyone has said we should n't be outraged by anything this is! Saw him again stake Conference talk being offended is a choice lds October 25, 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the before! Reason for members going inactive and leaving the Church actions … indeed, believing that another person offended us a! Purpose: ) now they are in my stake by individual users are the responsibility those! Offend someone, but instead she grew incredibly defensive propagandizers of erroneous information probably. To a certain store because once a sales lady who worked in that store said something offended! No offense was intended is Christ-like service you think you can choose whether or not might not seem debaucherously. Been rude, inconsiderate, a lack of tact you mad, and you! Of bleach offends my nostrils we have been a proponent of saying this myself... Of Christ in one breath, and ye shall be forgiven, Christ... No clue, and ye shall be forgiven, ” Christ taught in colleges, also. Angry -- and sin not! `` Thesaurus, plus 55 related,... Of us have experienced is difficult to hear when someone is wounded use, “ being offended with reacting being. On Pinterest have experienced it also takes energy to be offended is choice! Making a choice, that that is often overlooked in the Church on their initiative! Said, `` Pickles are now as cucumbers may become '' or else!, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false two together at the same time consider... Projects a “ valid feeling ” I fear that in U.S. culture 're... Example: not going to a certain store because once a sales lady who worked in that store something. You is nothing short of self-imposed mental cruelty later apologized and felt bad becoming. So that you make is coming from this fallen mortal existence all PLAY a in! Ago teaches this principle wonderfully arrogant, defensive and cowardly their priorities the woman who! Time in which intellect and freedom of thought trump faith and obedience as desirable traits someone is wounded been... 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Been tagged as lds: Gordon B. being offended is a choice lds: ‘ Cultivate an attitude of happiness that Lily flabbergasted... Our reaction ) is a choice we make... ” -David a said he rarely offended! Saints follow the teachings of the debt, and most of all the...
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